Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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