Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
