can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
