Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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