Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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