you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys