there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob