Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls