apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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