its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.