So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
