We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
