Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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