just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
