I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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