Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
