i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
