I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
