his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
why does every cop we meet know your name?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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