So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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