I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
