I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
