i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I lost the right to judge tonight
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
