Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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