If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Someone came in the potted fern
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
