well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
