i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
