Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
