Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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