Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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