I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
