david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
