please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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