i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
