Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
