...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We need a shit load of segways right now
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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