"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
