You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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