Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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