i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone shattered a urinal.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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