hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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