He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just want to make out with him forever
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
