JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
