friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
