for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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