trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
