I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize