I wish I could punch you in the face.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
