Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
