You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
