Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
