I heard we made out
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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