currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
