Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
