Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
