So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I need to sanitize my soul.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
