i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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