worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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