Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
please come you make the beer taste better
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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