i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We don't watch enough power rangers
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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