So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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