he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She told me I should be a condom model.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
