As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
