Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
