I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
