can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
