Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
