If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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