Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
