Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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