I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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