Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
