We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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