I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
