Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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