did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
