Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
