I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
